February Haiku #22

Grief lives in the pain
Ghosting through my abdomen
Heavy satin tears

Burn

I burn my hands
Thinking about
What they'd rather
Be doing

Good News

Give me some good news
Give me something 
To look at 
Outside of the box
Give me freckles
And flat chests
And soft bellies
And prosthetics
And taller
And shorter
And double chinned
And acne scarred
And beautifully
Healing
And living
And laughing
And loving
And brave
Give me something
Like that

February Haiku #21

Transformation is
Inevitable now that
Summer is fading

Wednesday

Walker in the rain
Keeps sorrow 
In her pocket
Courage in mind
And hope as a talisman

Tomorrow

It doesn't have to
Send you to the floor
Collapsing into tears
It doesn't have to
Make your heart hurt
Pushing against your skin
It doesn't have to
Make your hands tremble
Losing your grip 
It doesn't have to 
Undo you like that
It still hurts
Just the same

February Haiku #20

Eucalyptus mist
Greeting the early risers
Tastes of radiance

Returning

Eyes the colour

Of black ink

Muddied with aquamarine

Meet me in the mirror

Reuniting me with myself

Deliverance

Four years in the crafting
And the epiphany
Of trusting myself
Earned with each stroke
Each line etched
Into this consenting flesh

February Haiku #19

Always hold the line
Take me down and frustrate me 
Blind me with laughter

Waterline

Submerged 
But only to the chin
Steady mind 
Letting the chaos
Beneath the waterline
Wash through me
Treading water
'Til the dealing's done

Staying In

Guilty pleasures

Earl Grey tea and a bath

Drawn by wanting

Scented with basil

And wrapped in

Ancient gig merch

Sleepy eyes

And a smile

February Haiku #18

Listen to love songs
Until the shame burns away
Listen and look ahead

Farewell

Fit to birth words
But never flesh
Never a new soul
Set to break hearts
And rules
And live free 
Never a new face
Set to light fires

Ex-terminate

The easy way out
Isn't simple to choose
It's tears in the shower
Blood in the sink
Bellyaches
When you see
Tiny feet and hands
And nobody holds you
Long enough for the
Ghosts to disappear

February Haiku #17

These heavy papers
Seeking neat verdant answers
Crimson with questions

Testing

One two
One two
One two three stop
And see the past
Burning behind you
Irrelevant 

Punishment

Why bathe burns
In butter?
It's not like
The pain 
Isn't present enough
Screaming for ice
As you persevere
Savouring the
Tightening skin

February Haiku #16

Scribe in triplicate
The things we can't say out loud
Face them quietly

Burnout

You faded 
And I was too hurt
To notice you were gone
No more songs for me
No more a muse to you
But just a memory
Played out by your dearest

Response to Kerouac

Roadmaps of Desire

A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time

I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite

direction in this too-big world.

On the road

From old love to new

Making maps of desire

Fresh connection

Feels like fire

But it can't warm

Like the well known

The mouths moulded

By one another  

Years spent drilling

Deeper

The countless kisses

Hello/goodnight

And the confidences

Canvassing our

Bodies like highways

But this novel lover

This new to me lover

With his straight smile

And his crooked gaze

I can hear his sternum

In each phrase

Resonance so rich

It coats my tongue

And those fingers

Upon the steering wheel

So patient

See, the others

They couldn’t run

With my fast mouth

They were poor matches

No wonder, then

That those flames fizzled out

With a cold burn…

Burn, burn

Now, all the love I need

Lies beneath these keys

And the other stuff comes easy

Like blood, like scars

Like me in spreader bars

And the thrill of

The way his

Flesh floats beneath

My fingers

As comfortably as ink

The way his

Voice dips and sinks

The way his

Lips browse longingly

Learning my landscape

The way this novel lover

This new to me lover

Counterpoints

The paths paved

By the precious

Lovers that live

Behind me and beyond me

And because I can’t

Bear to say goodbye

I say

Sure, baby

Manana…

And keep on rolling under the stars

#475

Cerebrally challenged
Is the new sexy
Talk brainy to me
Make me defend
My unwritten thesis

More

Dangerous
When their voice
Remains stuck 
To your tastebuds
All week
And you catch yourself
Licking the corners
Of your mouth
Humming the same bar
Thirsty and wanting
More

February Haiku #15

I own this hot mess
Difficult dreaming woman
Nobody's baby

Cardboard

We play out
Fantasies to enrich
Our cardboard
Cutout days
Clutching at the absurd
To carry us onward

Husk

I am a husk
Decimated by emotion
Left hollow
I'd cry about it 
If it wasn't
Just exactly what I'd wished for

February Haiku #14

Pouting is easy
Honesty is a challenge
Stepping into truth

The Muse

Bearing down upon me
This incessant
Sleeplessness
The muse is a sadist

February Haiku #13

Thirteen ways to start
Falling through the rabbit hole
It may be a trap

Hello and Goodnight

Fresh connection
Feels like fire
But it can't warm
Like the well known
The mouth moulded
By yours and the 
Years spent drilling
Deeper 
The countless kisses
Hello and goodnight
And the secrets

Old Tricks

Old devils
Come to stay
And fight me
When I close the door
In their faces
Rejecting the ritual
Of remembering
Even though it 
Would be comfortable
It is a trap
And I have no more time
For games

February Haiku #12

You must always choose
You must detach from ego
Fall into present

Triggered

It may be psychosomatic
But it doesn't hurt any less
And because I don't lie
About it anymore
I am tuned into it
But also watching
From outside myself
As I surrender
Ride the wave
Let the tears 
Flow on and on and
On until exhaustion
Ends it all

Ragged

Naught to do
But ride it out
Get the dishes done
While the tears
Run ragged
Reaching tired lips
Blessing them with salt

Suffering

The sound of the blades
Motoring through 
The night so cool
And relieved
But now the old 
Scars knit together
Keeping sleep out
And suffering in

February Haiku #11

No sleep 'til Thursday
Craving appreciation
For enduring love

Altar

Even through tears
I write it all
Leave nothing
But blood behind
Making an altar
Of my pain
As joy breaks in

February Haiku #10

Even when you say
I am worthwhile and precious
Still my mind fights back

Held Me

They have held me
For seven years
And letting them go
Feels like flaying
My thick skin
The reclamation
Is a mirror of the 
Violation
Empowering
Rather than painful
Yet still
It is a transformation

Monk

Listen closer
Hear Monk
Scatting behind
That bebop
Those hot keys
Bending lines
Around possibility

Poet/slave

Each letter
Bent to serve
Eager fingers
Receiving 
A canopy
Of voluptuousness
Restless poet
Singing circles
On her knees

February Haiku #9

Polyrhythmic pulse
Travelling unmapped desires
Strike a new backbeat 

Anniversary

The years stretch
Backwards
And we build 
Into the new one
Quilting together
These touches that
Cement our world

Longingly

The way your 
Skin glides beneath
My fingers
As easily as keys
The way your 
Voice changes colour
In response
To my purring
The way your
Lips browse longingly 
Learning me

February Haiku #8

He reads me nightly
Connected digitally
We hum harmonics

#451

Four years
Chronicling
Each nuance 
Each heartache
Each triumph
And still
The pain is 
Never enough

February Haiku #7

They can get tae fuck
Thinking I'm just a wage slave
I'm a pure weapon

Resonance

I can hear his sternum
In each syllable
Resonance so rich
It coats my tongue
And those fingers
Upon the steering wheel
So patient

Spinster

Leaves slap the fence

Abandoned by the air

And through the clatter

Come unbidden sadnesses

Carried on the thermals

And all I can think of

Is that I prefer

My finger bare

February Haiku #6

Hot nighttime worries
Holding emotions hostage
Until the next smile

My Own

I've held my own hand
For so long
And through the worst
Of it all
That now there's 
No room 
For another hand
A hand not my own
I am my own
White knight
My own protector
My own counsel
My own heart
Is full to bursting
And so I do not
Require spousal
Qualities
But playful ones
Ones that offer
Joy to my own
Wearied soul
I've held my own hand
For so long

Matches

The others, before now
They couldn't stand
My courage
My quick mouth
My swift eyes
They were poor matches
No wonder
The flame went out

Hurting

Command is mine
Bare faced
And hurting
Though I may be
Honesty prevails

February Haiku #5

Symmetrical joy
Side by side at the finish
Freed from scarcity 

All I Need

All the love I need
Lies between the pages
And the other stuff
Comes easy
Like blood from a cut lip

Absolution

The things we do
To get out
Of our own heads
The things we do
That nobody else
Would contemplate
The things we do
That are ours alone
And fan the flames
The things we do
We ought to be ashamed
But we refuse
We are bound by 
The things we do

February Haiku #4

He sent me walking

Because I require relief

I'm a good earner

Songbird

He said my eyes
Were alien
Not from here
But from another time
He said my voice
Was unlikely
Not suited
To my face
I sang to him
Nightly
To quell his storms

Sweetness

I'll tattoo the world
With memories
Of the sweetness
Gifted to me
You'll fall through
Every crack 

February Haiku #3

The rhythm of it
The rope ends hitting the floor
The peace returning 

Miller/Nin

I thought
I wanted the Miller/Nin
Grand romance
Immortalised
Upon the pages
Never out of print
But I tasted it
And found it rank
And now
All I want
Is quiet
Black coffee
And for someone
To read me

Spoons

Nights like these
I remember wellness
And sneer
At my own innocence
Surrendered so swiftly
I never heard it
Say goodbye
And now
The pain is so loud
All I can hear
Is sorrow

February Haiku #2

Gone dreaming with Monk
Blue notes flicked into stardust
Skies darker than sleep

Destination

How much simpler
It would be
To want 
To be someone's
One and only
How much easier
It would be
To wish
To be someone's
Destination
The last dinner date
The last butterflies
In the belly
Waiting for them
To respond
The last I Love You
How much simpler
It would be
But I wasn't made for this
I was made for
The hard road

Drag

Melancholy 
Has a rhythm
A drone 
Dragging its way
Through each tendon
From toenails
To temples

February Haiku #1

Apples and feathers
Codebreakers from the inside
Telling my future