tourniquet

i'll be hurt by love
a million times
over
before i give it up
i'll roll up my sleeve
and beg
for just one more
hit
after every single
fall

new tattoo (haiku)

excess ink weeping
from grateful, open-wounded
flesh, i am replete

what we talk about when we talk about rejection

she comes to you 
smelling like others
she comes to you
reeking of wanting
she comes to you
knuckles bleeding
she comes to you
shallow breathing
she comes to you
drawing swords
she comes to you
tasting like promise
she comes to you 
silver skinned
she comes to you
and you run from
her brave heart

die wondering

i need ink and scars
like others need water
and sleep
i need pain and tears
like others need caffeine
and wine
i need words and i 
won't die
wondering what if
i didn't

easy fixed

it's so simple, really
just poison the bits
of you that don't fit
just as if they were weeds
just as if they don't
bring joy
or wonder
or thrill your heart
like nothing else
that lies within the
prescribed frame called
'womanhood'

best behaviour

good girls
are seen not heard
and the best girls are neither

Rise

We break out of the boxes
They built for us
And they burn us down
Blame us for being
Flame resistant
Build us new boxes
That are harder to break
But we keep on
Breaking
Burning
Resisting
Rising

Remnants of Disaster

Ghosts of the 
Disaster of your
Soul's desire
Hold my hands
Behind my back
Bend my neck
In the opposite
Direction of liberty
Remnants of the
Joy of your
Heart's message
Straighten my spine
Towards newness
Plant my feet
In the bedrock
Of solitude

Oh, heart...

Bearing this

Weariness

Is lonely

#720 (haiku)

this constant women's work
serving as a reminder 
we are holding space 

Straya

this country breeds
scared, angry boys
blinded by their own
privilege
most of them learn
their way away 
from the club, but
the rest, oh
the rest, they shout
over us, they 
raise their fists, and
their firearms, and
if we continue to
disagree, well
that's when the
children die, the
women are raped
that's when the 
hope is spread
so damn thin
we can't see
a way through
that's when we 
want it all
to be
over

forgetting

you know
he'll never say
that he was wrong
and beg you to come
back 
so take his 
pictures down and stop
listening to his songs and 
forget the taste of his scars
once
and for all

this/close

i came so close
to the edge
i almost fell in
head first
and if it hadn't
been for my 
own ugliness
i'd have fallen
in too deep 
to climb back 
out again
and i'd have 
sunk further
than i've ever
been before
and if it hadn't
been for my
own ghosts holding
me back, i
would have gladly
drowned
in
love

VOTE>BITCH

If I read your rants
All over social media
About injustice and
Our current government
But I don't see you
At the polls
With a pen in one 
Hand, and the other
One giving a Liberal
The finger, then
I have no cookies
For you

shedding

i'd peel this skin
away and start 
again, but
it's the scar tissue
that holds me together
not the brief glances
of beauty, seen by so few

two parts

harmony isn't about
beautiful voices
it's about listening
and threading
two parts
together with just
enough tension
that they will not
unravel

wash him out of your hair

and so now 
i scrape you
off of my skin
like so much dirt
that curls and eddies
its way down the drain
alongside the last
of the tears 
allotted for you

sorry/not sorry

i won't apologise
for being more than
a muse
more than someone
with two holes
and a nice smell
i won't be sorry
for indulging
the old Miller
Nin fantasy of mine and 
i'll never regret 
hearing you say those
wonderful things you
half believed, but 
i won't be made
small or stupid
or some story about
that crazy hot in bed
but too much in her head 
woman you just
couldn't hold onto
or whatever it is
you say to the lads
i won't apologise
for being more than
you could handle

where they are now

those bright eyed
bushy haired
babies
grew up
got their teeth fixed
had some kids
bought a house
with half a yard
shoved their dreams
under the bed and far away
and forgot
the tickle of sand 
between their toes

ess and em

nobody has hurt me 
quite like you
nobody takes the pain 
quite like me
and it could have been 
quite something
if you'd been brave
enough

can't make you (haiku)

turned cold so quickly
i couldn't keep up with you
i froze in stasis 

wall to wall

no wonder we're tired
wading through 
wall to wall
dicks
violence
cis-het-mono-robotics
misogyny
no wonder we let
our faces fall
to our desks
amidst hopelessness
even as we persist
no wonder we're tired

perspective

it's easy to forget
that without a 
background
the foregrounded
fathers of this 
world of words would
have also been blurred
out of existence
a half remembered
speck of dust
upon a lens 
occupied elsewhere

not asking much

all we want
is for you to lift
your feet a little
higher
so that our necks
are free to move

Netflix and Haiku

r'nb' and chill
making my spine a bass line
melodic fingers

Don't Need Him

i want a man
with a fresh fade
and an old soul
fingers just calloused
enough to break
me off 
i want a man
with sharp teeth
and a soft spot
for language
i want a man
i don't need
i want a man
i don't have to 
mother
i want a man
who doesn't
need me
a man who wants
me after that first
flush of lust
fades
i want a man
i don't need

No Need

no need to wonder
if his skin is lonely
if he meant all the
things he said while
scared and spiralling
no need to ask 
if his heart is a little 
emptier now that
i'm disconnected
from his hunger
no need to know
it's in the way
he phrases goodbye

HeartCry (haiku)

hear my reckless heart
play insistent percussion
to dull the keening

Giver

remember that 

all your ways of being

that get lost in translation 

for weakness
for sentimentality

for stupidity

when read by those

who know you 

are understood completely

your compassion

your kindness

your patience

are only wasted 

on the selfish

seven hundredth

lock the doors
close the windows
pull in all the footbridges
push myself up
up
up onto the ramparts
to watch this pain
play out upon
my heartlands 
just beyond the walls
for the seven
hundredth time

Honey, Don't

honey, just because
a pair of pretty eyes
looks at you over
the top of an acoustic
guitar in the early
hours of the morning
just because he
unwittingly plays
your favourite love
song, it doesn't mean
you have to release
your everything to him

Thursday Haiku

it was so easy for 

him to tell me to tether

myself to the hope

UnReady

even as the years pile on, messily
boxes upon boxes of memories
one on top of another
poised to topple at the merest
word, it hurts, it hurts so
profoundly, why do i do this
sex therapy lover friend
work, i can still smell him
under my fingernails
with the ink and dirt
despite the days passing
ever further away from him
and his endless, insistent
monologuing
the words dry up, carcasses
of brushstrokes left to
flake upon canvasses
and so i drink jasmine
tea and refuse the familiar
seductions of misery
i am too much
i am too much
i am too much
to be met in the middle
by brittle shiny ego
he was un-ready
i was a life buoy
haunted

Lab Rat

woman turned experiment
all these things endured 
and you weren't even the 
worst of them  
you were toying with
this goddess
well above your pay grade
no lab rat, she
no petri dish patiently
revealing your viruses
no mute data set, she
never followed the code
you so cherish

Soundtrax

from overture to opus
punctuated with cadences
both perfect
and dissonant
two melodies meeting
for only a moment
before splintering
polyrhythmically  
further and further 
away from the signature
until all that remains is the 
empty
resting
stave

Struck Out

i'll never let you off 
the hook with vulgarity
i don't punch down from here
i don't run from hurt
even as you try to
turn my compassion around
even as you strike out
match after match 
sever these chords 
and step back but
still you seek me out
satisfy the sadist
and i just swim through
never sinking

UsNess

now that joy has arrived i don't know where to put it i don't understand where it lives or what to do with it and whether it's going to stick around if i maintain this level of integrity authenticity wide open plains of neuroses bare for all to see as we analyse ourselves in real time and marvel at our us-ness and i just want i just want i just want everything to be okay and i just need i just need i just need a moment to breathe breathe breathe i've never felt safe enough to write next to someone to share my soundtracks to sit like buddha all belly all belly all belly and your brilliant frankness makes me strive for peace now that joy has arrived i don't where to put it

Chronic

Oh, it's nothing but
Sorrow manifested as aches
And pains, that is all

Baby Blues

Every year it hurts a little less
And yet
Still these tiny footprints
Upon my shoulders
Persist
Every year it stings a little less
And yet
Still the taste of craved for
Hot chips 
Lingers
Every year is better than the last
But I'll never
Not be sorry