Rumours

Once I was punched
In the solar plexus
Remembering you
Feels just the same
Breathless
Frozen
Muted by shock
How swiftly
You sought the next
Woman to sell
Your lies to

Hooked

If your bass didn't stride with a limp
Just like me
I'd still be numb
If your fingers were not calloused
I'd be free
Arrogantly so, like parakeets

I am hooked
Flattened fifths paint the air
Phosporescent blue
If you weren't tender
I'd taste trouble
In your copper eyes

Fleeting Memory

When once upon a time
My lips were like cherries
Open and blooming
Powerful in their surrender
Once captured, like a drug
Prey became predator

Not Today

Some days I get out of bed, smiling
Not today
Some days I like what I see in the mirror
Not today
Some days I eat with ease, light hearted
Not today
Some days I want to be with people
Not today
Some days I am deaf to insults
Not today
Some days I find joy in all things
Not today
Today I can't, I just can't

30/Backwards (taken from 'Lipstick')

Key to my heart
Keeper of secrets
Leather and red lipstick
The essence of me
Almond oil
Jasmine and burgundy lipstick
The essence of her
A suitcase from another time

29/Review

For hire
One feminist
No previous owners
Sturdy body
Impeccable gears
Colourful upholstery
Classic model
Minimal dents and scratches
Excellent engine
Priceless
Or nearest offer
Genuine callers only

28/Bridges

And so we reach the other side
From where there is no chance of return
Watch the bridges crumble into dust
Blown apart by cruelty, coercion
Manipulation and mishaps

27/hay(na)ku

Stop
This bullshit
Leave me alone

26/Persona

You say you won't ignore him
Yet he's hurting you daily
You say you'll just indulge him
Yet he drives you crazy
Why can't you see he's no good for you?
Just let him go, and live for you.

25/Clerihew

Steve Buscemi
He's so dreamy
I just wanna have his baby
And make him breakfast maybe

24/Singular

She's one of a kind
The kind that prefers her own company
When the alternative is loneliness
She's complex
Demanding honesty and respect
When she's asked for the time
She's simple
Scribbling her way through new worlds
When she's left alone
She's in a league of her own
Her own instincts pave her way
When her joy is depleted

23/Jack of Diamonds

Jack of diamonds
Dealt me a bad hand
Left me with nothing
But a broken heart
He took me
He broke me
And he never said goodbye

Jack of diamonds
Dealt me a bad hand
Took me for granted
And tore me apart
He charmed me
He scared me
And he left me behind

What Now?

Suffocated
Your needs eclipse me
Defeated
Your deafness beats me
Silenced
Your monologue drowns me
Stranded
Your wants surpass me
Deleted
Your story blurs me
Until I am a ghost
Never quite there

22/Pastoral

Pissed off
Cabin fever
Pent up
Stir crazy
Get out
Cold air
Night sky
Silver leaves
Flying foxes
Breathe in
Well up
Break down
Give up
Breathe out
Cold ground
Night blooms
Silver stars
Flying dreams

Chastised

Am I relegated to sidekick now?
Now that I refuse penetration
Interrogation
Do I deserve to be punished now?
Now that I have failed initiation
Expectation
Am I supposed to be ignored now?
Now that I am a complication
Humiliation

21/Anais Nin Erasure

Pierre
was only seventeen
vanishing inside the lace and frills
Her ears were small and delicate
long dress all wet
There is a screen in the parlour
sandalwood perfume
He held it
intoxicated
He sniffed
before the fire
with a shy laugh 

Twenty/These Things I Know

I hold onto the things I know
When the sky starts to spin
I can count on clear facts, like
'Breakfast At Sweethearts' released 1979
Re-released  1999 with three bonus tracks

I hold onto the things I know
When the pain sharpens my heart
I can rely on cold truths, like
'East' released 1980
Voted Best Australian Album by Countdown
 

Nineteen/Landay

Please listen to me before you speak
My voice belongs here, too, and you will not silence me

Eighteen/Phone Tree

Thank you for calling the lost souls helpline
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For matters pertaining to sexuality, press five
For any other matters, press six
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We appreciate your patience
Please hold the line
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For more information visit our website
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For tips on how to keep yourself safe, visit our website
All our operators are busy at the moment
We appreciate your patience
Please hold the line
If you are having thoughts about self harm, please hang up now
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Seventeen/Media Social

Hashtag hella profesh
Thumbs up for food porn
Sharing is caring
Like if you're a feminist
Smash the patriarchy
Misogyny alert
Poetry slam event
Burlesque event
Market event
Hashtag sorry not sorry
Thumbs up for baby pics
Sharing is supporting
Like if you're a leftie
Smash the Libs
Sexism alert
Uni break event
Protest event
Film noir event
Hashtag where'd all my mates go
Thumbs up for meeting face to face
Having a beer
And not looking at our phones

Sixteen

At sixteen
I was stalked
I was followed and harassed
At sixteen
I was brave
I was mouthy and sanguine
At sixteen
I was silenced
I was shamed and mocked
At sixteen
I was steadfast
I was strong and mulish
And looking back I know
I was more myself then

Fifteen/Dear Poem

Dear Poem,
What's on your mind today?
Grief, anger, pain, or passion?
These seem to be your preferences
Can you not at least try to be clever?
Perhaps even light-hearted
Just for a change
You're starting to worry me, Poem
With your preoccupations
Forever melancholy and humourless

Fourteen/Friends

When all around me is darkness
You are next to me
When you are overwhelmed by emptiness
I am next to you
When we face hopelessness
We find each other
When all around is sadness
You make my heart glad
When you are overcome by numbness
I am watching over you
From the ashes will rise a phoenix
Beautiful, brighter and stronger than before

Riddle/Thirteen

I am of value only when given away
I am a burden if kept into old age
But sorely missed if taken too soon
I am innocent, naïve, and intangible
I am a prize when coupled with beauty
But a shame if paired with plainness
I am called prudish if protected
I am called slatternly if squandered
But possessed and relinquished concurrently

Afternoon Delight

Sleek, glossy, black
Reclining decoratively
Warm, loose-limbed, smooth
Hungrily caressing
Coffee, honey, cloves
Devours expressly
Sated, affixed, fulfilled
Exhales adoringly

Sapphics/Tables Turned

I shudder at the thought of obeying you
I'd rather thumb my nose at you, really
How dare you presume my submission, boy?
On you knees, cretin

How do you like it down there, my darling?
Do you feel humbled, humiliated now?
Or are you overcome by the need to please?
Kiss my steelcaps, slave

You will speak only when spoken to, buffoon
You will worship me with every waking breath
Isn't that what you expected me to do
When the roles were turned?

Abecedarian

Amplify
Bicameral
Catchpenny
Diffraction
Extramural
Fovea
Glossolalia
Hireling
Introjection
Juggernaut
Kismet
Lorgnette
Metachromatism
Noctilucent
Oracular
Pelagic
Quiddity
Repine
Serigraphy
Termagent
Uxoricide
Vespine
Woodnote
Xerophilous
Yoyo
Zwitterion

Calligram/Arrows

No
No, you didn't
No, you didn't ask if you could
No, you mustn't
No

Yes
Yes, it hurts
Yes, it hurts in a scary way
Yes, stop now
Yes

Please
Please, don't go
Please, don't go away and sulk
Please, just stay
Please

Celibacy

I lied
I'm never having sex again
Or at least not sex as you know it
I tried
But I can't ignore the pain
Or the fact that my cervix is ruined
Forgive me
I am broken

Mixed Lollies

Summertime
In the eighties
Meant running through the sprinkler
Burning your soles on the hot asphalt
On the way to the deli
Past the school oval
And the medical centre
And spending our pocket money
On paper bags of mixed lollies
We clutched those one and two cent coins
So tightly, they might have been sapphires
In summertime
In the eighties

Aubade

Touch me in the morning
But don't speak
Give me this stolen dawn
Before they come to take you
To the gallows
Watch the earth warm up with me
While my heart turns cold
Awaiting your departure
In this final embrace
Before the roosters begin their fanfare
I can hear fear in your breath
Kiss me once again
In the sorbet coloured sunrise
Damnation waits for you
Desolation waits for me
But hold me just a moment longer
As the sun announces herself
To this cruel world

Wild Nights

Wild nights remind me of you
When the wind tugs at my heart
A compass fixed upon your wheel
Let us moor in one another

Unfixable

I'll never be what was expected
I'm a jester
And when you've tired of my fooling
I fade to black
I know you wanted someone else
And when you've run out of kindness
I prostrate myself
I count the breaths still to come
I beg for oblivion
Surely I have caused enough pain
To earn eternal darkness

They Run

As soon as the old familiar rears its disfigured head
They run
They make their excuses
Some of them pretend it's for my own good
That it's them that's sick, not me
But for all my flaws, gullibility was never one
A caring nature and a kind heart, yes
But never blind trust
It's the false platitudes that hurt the most
Why pretend that I'm more than a game?
Run away
Run away from me
Run away from the half woman, half monster
Paint me as a witch
Speak of my disfigurement, your disgust
Run
I won't be chasing you

Retreat

I apologise for interrupting your self pity
My own sickness must seem inconvenient at this time
My hermitage is a necessary precaution now
I will once again nurse you when my purging is finished 

Stardust

Remember when we were young?
We'd gather on the oval
In our old boots and trench coats
Hiding behind black fringes
And clutching longnecks
Like they were going out of fashion
We'd collapse between the goalposts
Giggling contagiously
Harbouring secret crushes
And I showed you Orion
Glowing triumphantly among the stardust

Love

It is not hasty, murmured bashfully in the wings
It is not fleeting, a memory within seconds
It is not fickle, meaning less and less each day
No, it has gravity, and I am earthed by it
It is the slow burn of sunrise, and I am warmed by it
It is steadfast, not fly-by-night, and I am sustained by it
It is never regretted, it is always treasured
And I am not giving up on it

By the sea

Is it too late to live by the sea?
There are ice-creameries by the sea
There are joggers and puppies and prams
Would you like to come with me?
If I moved, to live by the sea
There are surfer boys by the sea
There are tackle shops and fishermen
And cafes by the sea
I guess it's too late to live by the sea
You'd never want to, anyway
Not with me
You'd get bored by the sea
There is sand and dog shit and used condoms
You'd get sick of the sea
And the constant swooshing of the waves
I guess it's too late for you and me
In the suburbs, or by the sea
You wouldn't notice, would you?
If I left you for the sea

False Idols

Would that it were
Belief in supremacy
Eased the hurt
Would that it were
Seekers of power
Left wanting
Would that it were
You could taste
My spoiled sinews
Would that it were
Illusions unveiled
To humdrum light
Would that it were
But it is not
Would that it were
But alas,
Facades prevail
Would that it were
But it is not

Untitled

Odds against her
She will cut and run
Squeezing her components
Into separate packages
One for ugly feet
One for unexplainable, unstoppable, uncontrollable tears
Which sneak up on her
One for a face which is best forgotten
And one for a body which belongs to pain, illness, and deformity
Which exhausts her
There's no room left for hope
Nor for silver hair threaded with auburn
Decapitated and dreamless she wanders
Retracing uncertain footsteps

Cold

Left in the shade
Once again misplaced
Having been mined
Once again valueless
Barren earth am I
Once again sinking
Bloodless, seeking
Once again silent
Hoodwinked, and sad

One Night Sham

You asked me
'Who is he, and what is he to you?'
I replied truthfully that he's nobody
Really
Just somebody who fancied a cheap root
He left before I woke up
Leaving behind the scent of coconut oil
And a full pack of Winnie Reds
He had dreads
I liked that
But I meant nothing to him
Just a hole for his inadequate tool
What a fool
He's alone now
Still prowling
Still single
Still hopeless
Still a poseur
And I am happy

Solo

And now that you're gone
I can stop at last
To rest
Inhale, exhale
At my own pace
You were always in cut common time
Competing with my triplets
And now that you're gone
I can hear at last
My own beat
Galloping, galloping
Pitched in G, augmented

Love

She waits for the last bus home
In the closest bar
All eyeliner and red lipstick
Skolling water to stay sober
She loves you, and she's scared
Scared you'll leave
Leave her bare
A blank canvas, waiting for forlorn loneliness
Scared, too, of this passion
Intense, all consuming
No room for her doubts
Now
Now she jumps
Into you
Into your victories and your defeats
Wholly into you
She dissolves
While remaining wholly her

In the Nineties

Someone asked me what I did for fun
In the Nineties
And I told them I couldn't remember much
Except smoking Holidays in a mate's rumpus room
And writing dubious grunge tunes
All while having a crush on the bass player

Someone asked me what clothes I wore
In the Nineties
And I told them I didn't want to think about it
Except for laughing at my ironic Life Be In It t-shirt
Always worn with army surplus pants
A velvet choker, and hair ruthlessly parted in the centre

Someone asked me what life I dreamed of
In the Nineties
And I told them it wasn't this one
Except that I have ended up a writer after all
Despite the rape, the domestic abuse, the abortions
And I wouldn't change a second of it all

Tiff

They say it takes two
But I'd rather be alone
Than be forever in tears
On the buses
In the summertime
Sitting next to terribly beautiful waifs
With their impossibly fit boyfriends
And their stupid fucking sundresses

Twenty One

Ten years to the day
That I was illuminated
Supine upon your lumpy mattress
Ankles bound
Joy unrestrained
While you carved your desire
Into my flesh
Tenderly drawing forth
Blood like garnets
To spill upon your blade
And I can still feel the exquisite pain
Pleasure, despair and desire
Rattling through me
And your mouth on mine
As I bit back, tasting you

Please come home, Sir

Gossip

They talk about me
When I'm too sick to be around
You say they're spreading rumours
About who I fancy
Who I play with
Who I drink with
Who I defeated
In a verbal death match

They talk about you
When you're too busy to be there
I hear them spreading rumours
About who you fancy
Who you play with
Who you smoke with
Who you educated
In the rules of our scene

Lies have a life of their own
Lets talk about life
Forget the lies
And play

Carnival

Overdosed on synaesthesia
And yearning for dark
For autumn
For April and her promises
Her bracing sunrises
I am followed by hungry masses
Frenzied and famished
Ready to pick me to the bone
To borrow my verve
To steal my smile
You call from every cloud
Long gone but still here
In our songs
In the greasepaint
And in the wings

Conversation

Cliches fall from your mouth
As readily as judgments
The ears receiving are 
Wary of false compliments
And empty promises
Which indicate only your fear
Of falling into your own trap
Always talking, talking
Over the top of me
Talking, talking
Never ceasing
Never stopping
To listen
Or learn
Never budging
Never leaving
A gap
Or silence
Just breathe for a beat
And let me in
Before the platitudes
Multiply and murder conversation

Evacuation

Hosing gutters
Filling sinks
Watching news
While packing
When it starts
The tiny hands
Squeezing my heart
The distant voices
Pulling my focus

How can I miss you?
You were never even here
How can I protect you?
You were never more than a hope
How can I recreate you?
You were always more than I dared

And so I continue
Collecting photographs 
Which show only your absence
Folding outfits 
For me alone
And yet your screams deafen me
As the smoke engulfs the valley
And I don't look back
As the flames race away
Illuminating the hilltop