#300

We are springless
Summer waits
At the corner shop
Like a bully
Chasing pocket money
And you say you miss me
But I bite my nails
Uncertain 

Come to Life

You're not an early riser
You come to life at dusk
When I'm unwound
Humming below neutral
Battery rapidly cooling

You're not an early riser
You come alive at dusk
When I'm undone
Shifting between channels
Bones slowly creaking

Body #3

All the telegraph
Signals from beneath
The surface sting
Scrambling for substance
Spasm after spasm after spasm

Body #2

All these cells emerge
Unraped
Untainted
By December
Not one will remain
That they touched
Touched without asking
Took without paying
This spongey thigh
Untouched
These moustached lips
Untouched
This belly outside the lines
Untouched
By December
All these cells renew
Unraped

Lay It On Me

Lay your hate 
Upon my frailty
Watch me rise
Hear me sing

Lay your hate
Upon my sadness
Watch me rise
Hear my story

Lay your hate
Upon my history
Watch me rise
Hear me laugh

Quink

Safe potato body
Carries secrets too heavy
For its own soul

Quink coloured third thoughts
Will never relinquish peace
Ever pondering

Scar-thatched swollen hands
Hold memories like treasure
Map a fool's ransom

Exterminate

A future stolen
Motherhood never to be
Mourning a carcass

Rotting in plastic
Chance for love left on the shelf
Forgotten flesh wound

And yet still the screams
Tug at the womb in the night
Never will I sleep

Thursday

All dressed up and cold
Repeated walks in the rain
Returning un-kissed

Loneliness closer
Seeping under the doorjamb
Keeping sleep away

Melody of doubt
Spooking the mirrored failure
Staring back again

Shadows

In these half quiet hours
Sustained by metronomic
Clockwork night-time
We wait for rain
For hearts to escape
And colour in the shadows

Hers

Kept together still
By emery boards and hope
Moulded into light

This old desk she made
Keeps coming back to meet me
Wherever I am

Kept together still
Belonging to innocence
Writing here is home

First Day

Take the winding road
Admire the almond blossoms
Heralding springtime

See letterboxes
Secret rusty time machines
Stubborn at the gates

Now the sun returns
Burning curious noses
Timid at the fence

The Body

You may be swift
You may be strong
But you cannot outrun yourself
You cannot disarm yourself
Because the body remembers
It collects every happenstance
And hears your nightmares
The body remembers
You may be smart
You may be sane
But you cannot hide
The body remembers

The Dark

An empty bed
A new book
Smelling of coffee stains
Still to come
Sweetness in the dark
Under the covers
Alone
But always on your mind
Lovers apart together
Soul occupancy

Broken Parts

They'll put you in a box marked 'broken parts'
Pull you out when they need a reminder
That things could be worse
Things could be messy
Things could be painful and loud and relentless
They'll put you in the third drawer down
With the takeaway menus and the spare chopsticks
Pull you out when they need a reminder
That life is never fair
Life is never easy 
Life is never simple or sensible or clear cut
They'll put you away

Peel Away

Stories peel away from me
Leave me with scars
Just another mark
Just another noise in the dark 

Stories peel away from me
Leave me hollow
Ready for contact
Ready to become intact

Stories peel away from me
And leave bloodstains
Upon these pages
Upon the duct taped stages

Hold Fast

Remembrance of the moon
Against cornflower present
Feet skinned in bark
A smile snapped in half
Exterior presented
No more beige walls
Begging for melody

Disappear Me

Take this abottoir of a body
Lay it upon shards of glass
Let it bleed
Take this abottoir of a body
Lay it upon the blessed coals
Let it burn
Here is a heart fed on hurt
Let it bleed
Here is a soul forged from sin
Let it burn
Here is a waste of a woman
Wretched
Let her die

Following You

This fear is comfortable
An old tee shirt
Laundered to softness
See through
To take it off
Leaves me bare
A ribbon on the wind
Following you
Skin kissing the air
For the first time
Bulletproof behind you

Manchild

Seeking adoration
You came my way
You made mistakes
Still you held fast
To your privilege
To your entitlement

Seeking a mother
You came my way
You made mistakes
Still you held fast
To your arrogance
To your attitude

Seeking a devotee
You came my way
You made mistakes
Still you held fast
To your ignorance
To your delusion

Seeking integrity
I walked away
You made mistakes
Still I held fast
To my worth
To my truth

Bootstraps

Raised among the strain
The rebel yell
The bootstraps and leather
The vociferous and clever

Ride away the pain
The vanilla shell
The guitar strung fingertips
The ebony and scarlet lips

Welded to the chain
The kinky tell
The abandoned blank skin
The stories told by gin

Free, free, free

Rapeiversary number four
And I'm beaming
Blessed and beautiful
Playing by my own rules
Red haired and 
Rambunctious
Free, free, free
Comes the cry
From my heart
And what of the goblin king?
My deluded tormentor
He has been dismissed
Destroyed
Decommissioned
He has no power over me
He is no more
He is ash
I am blue flame
And I am here
With my words
My salvation
And my enervation
Rapeiversary number four
And I'm living
Into hope

Lump

They said to me
Hands up
You are surrounded 
By brilliance
Talent
Beauty
I withered
Sank into my lumpy
Unsteady
Frenzied
Trauma

Moulds

Little girls with messy hair
Don't fit 
Little girls with loud voices
Don't fit
Little girls that grow up
Don't fit
Rage against the mould
Tear their hands off you
Grow up
Be loud
Stay messy
Shun the crowd

Grown Ups

I still don't know what I want to be
When I grow up
Not a teacher
Not a doctor
Not a mother
Not a wife
When I was little I knew I wanted
To be just like
James Brown

Dancing sins
Janis Joplin
Screaming blues
Salt 'n' Pepa
Throwing shade
Nowadays I just scribble
And scat away the hours between
The same old drivel
While I wait
To be a grown up

Spring

I should never think of spring
Springtime is lonelier
Even than winter
With its blooms
And its babies
And its blissful lovers
Cooing under virgin leaves

Cold

The world has seen fit
To make me cold
And I will burn you
With my frozen heart
 

Cousins

Every now and then
The mean reds take a hold
And I need reminding
I need cajoling 
I need a firm hand
And a soft melody
Formed from blood and laughter

Ice

Many coloured threads of you
Sing within me
Weaving the same old songs
Never unraveled
Despite my fire
And if I must be a tapestry
Let me be your creation
Of ancient ice

Artists

We're just like you
We just drive older cars
Drink at different bars
We work jobs we hate
Stay up much too late

We're just like you 
We just have different dreams
Root for different teams
We slave over chords
We live to tread the boards

We're just like you
We just want a little love
A little understanding
A little smile
Every now and then
We're just like you
Artists

Seven Years

Science says it takes seven years
For every cell of us to be replaced
So I'm counting down the days
Until I know for certain
That there is none of my flesh left
That has been touched by them
Until I know for certain
That all of my flesh is renewed
That I am a new body
Untainted by them
I'm counting down the days
Science says it takes seven years

Light

Let the darkness die
Let it wither away to pin-bones
Let it rot
Let the light be mine
Let it burn 

Whisper

Black ink curls
Untouchable
Just a whisper
Of time in flesh
Unbreakable
Blood stained
Salt cellar heart
Mirrored demons
Untraceable

Because the Night Terrors

Because the night
Belongs to dreamers
I remain sleepless
Dreams stolen from me
By those that fell before me
Those that had no healing
For their horrors

Because the night 
Belongs to lovers
I remain sleepless
Love stolen from me
By those that hurt and harmed me
Those that had no healing
For their horrors

They made me bleed instead
Their tribute to the night
Because the night
Belongs to terrors
 

Aubade

Every morning a fresh skin
A choice to be made
Power in the offing
I miss you
The way you stirred coffee
Your hand on my jaw

I miss you
The way you strummed guitar
Your words on my palm
Freedom in the grieving
A choice to be made
Every morning a fresh skin

Never

Sunday night in the suburbs
And there's rain on the roof
You keep saying you love me
And you back it up with proof

Never been held like this
Never been seen before
Never been kissed like this
I've never felt so sure

Monday morning in the sun
And it's all over my face
You're the corner puzzle piece
And you've fallen into place


Never been held like this
Never been seen before
Never been kissed like this
I've never felt so sure


Everything is brighter
Now that I've found you
And you can hold me tighter
I'll melt into you

Never been held like this
Never been seen before
Never been kissed like this
I've never felt so sure



 

Nobody's Wife

Nobody's coming home to me
I'm nobody's wife
But I'm still somebody
Somebody to someone who matters
Matters to me

Marriage ain't the only way
To prove a woman's worth
And I'm not going anywhere
Honey I'm here to stay

Nobody's chasing after me
I'm nobody's wife
But I'm still somebody
Somebody to someone who cares
Cares for me

Marriage ain't the only way
To prove a woman's worth
And I'm not going anywhere
Honey I'm here to stay

I don't want to be your one and only
I'll never weigh you down
I don't want too much of your time
I just want to be around


Marriage ain't the only way
To prove a woman's worth
And I'm not going anywhere
Honey I'm here to stay

Woman

This woman is no welterweight
She will not be moved
This woman is not for you
She will not be recast
To cater to your gaze
She will not be altered
To fit your twisted vision
This woman is a firelight
She will be loved
This woman is a fury
She will be honoured

Hunter

I was buried
Subsumed by white noise
Weakening 
A hunter's hand
Salvaged the wreck of me
Spun me into silver light
I am airborne
Sharp as lightning

Her

It's right about now
I'll try to stay anchored
Against the swell
And if weren't for her
Memorised by my heart
I'd burn to a cinder
I'd disappear
If it weren't for her
I'd fade to earth

This Is Now

That was then
Enslaved
My feet were bloodied
By the narrow path
Every word a lie

This is now
Unchained
My collar is opened
By a captain's hand
Every word a song

Take Me Down

Now we wait
Pine needle fingerprints
Slice the tongue
Take me down

Now we wait
Magnetic teeth softly
Consume emerald anatomy
Take me down

Now we wait
A cataclysm is upon us
Shaped like euphoria
Take me down  

Pale Beauty

It's a sure sign

Sneaking up and tripping me

I am glorious

Face against asphalt

Pale beauty bleeding

Words like talismans

Don't leave me here

I want you to stay

I am strong enough

To break

I am weak enough

To fight

I am overcome

Back against starlight

Pale beauty bleeding

Songs like charms

Don't leave me here

I want to stay

Play Me

He has no need for implements
His hands are his instrument
I am a canvas
A palette of pain
Amplifies me

Licorice

He plays me like a threnody
And all my melodies
Become tangled and euphoric

He sees me in technicolour
And all my fears
Dissolve in a licorice gaze

He leads me consummately
And all my chaos
Translates into rapture

She-wolf

You named me in another life
I was dormant in your absence
And like the weapon you named me for
I have been let loose upon your skin
Like sunshine

You named me in another life
In a language meant for two
And like the weapon you named me for
I am a deadly elegance at your side
Like a she-wolf 

You named me in another life
Conjured me into presence
And like the weapon you named me for
I am stitched into your kali embrace
Like needlepoint

#30 Found in Translation

Return to me, beauty
You are my queen
I want you here

#29 I Remember

I don't remember much anymore
Thanks to my broken brain
But your eyes the night you left
I remember that

I remember our first kiss
Chocolate orange flavoured and urgent

I remember your top hat
And giant cups of tea

I don't remember much anymore
Thanks to my broken brain
But your voice the day you phoned
I remember that

#28 Backwards Story

Boots muddy the laundry
A jacket steeped in pub haze
A woman in the shower
Back bruised
Numb lips
Out the door at twilight
Seeking obliovion
Cigarettes
Karaoke
Palm tree tryst
Unexpected 

#27 Haiku

Battleground lover
I double dare you to hide
Soft skinned weaponry

#26 Call and Response

Let me help you
Please don't
Let me call you
Please don't
Let me carry you
Please don't
Let me love you
Please don't
Let me leave you
Please
Don't

#25 Borrowed

These scars are a private map
Jostled into the parquet corner
Cold and clear
Straight lines
We tell each other it's a small world, here
Hunger is a trap
We collect hunt russets for cider season
December is the cruelest month
When you went away
He bought me a supermarket bouquet
Bravery isn't what we think it is
Little birds
Feelings
Others see you as a wise person
Humans are meant to come in pairs
Short and tall
Humans waste their gifts
No more sonnets
Let the tears fall
Busy busy busy
It's in the way you laugh
 

#24 Mix and Match

Short and tall
Generous and slender
Smiles for all
Tough and tender
Together we will rise

#23 No More Sonnets

No more sonnets
I beg you
No more overtures of false feeling
Cliched and tired
Just tell me you don't love me
And be done with it

#22 Earth Day

Humans waste their gifts
Mining and burning they hurt
The one home that's theirs

#21 Fairy Tale

Once upon a time
A girl passed by us
Playing prey
Cloaked in scarlet

We watched her
From the green quiet
Her innocence
Lost to the forest
 

#20 Kenning

It's in the way you laugh
It screams crimson
Through the pale
Lighting my way home
From nightmares

It's in the way you drum
Your fingers blue
From the morning
Shifting my mood sideways
From the dark

#19 How To Self Soothe

Let the tears fall
Quietly
Take in the air
Quietly
Let out the sighs
Quietly
Hold your own hand
Sleep
Quietly
Repeat

#18 The Sound of Home

Busy busy busy
Not many minutes
Dean Martin
Kitchen scales

Busy busy busy
Not many minutes
Hey Hey It's Saturday
Bleached mugs

Busy busy busy
Not many minutes
Magpie larks
Orange vinyl

#17 Scrabble Dictionary

Jostled into the parquet corner
Of your dreams of an uxorial woman
I razored my itchy heart
Unjointed myself from our tryst
You never gave an iota
For my quixotry or my dreams
Insisted the syzygy hadn't yet blessed us

#16 Almanac

Cold and clear
Glory vine
Library
Morning tea
Magpies
Repeated name calling
Blue feather
Citrus
Sugar skulls
Mr. Twining
Taxes
Gender dubious
Movieland Sundays
Wong
Collected leaves
Bishop loses seat
Little children singing
Cockatrice
Where the wild things are
Speakeasy
Helicopters
Drowning
River Torrens at sunset

#15 Doubles

Humans are meant to come in pairs
We're meant to couple up
But it never worked like that for me
I'm no-one's other half
I'm no-one's  better half
I'm no-one's soulmate
And I'm not considered wife material

I'm considered fuck buddy material
One night stand material
Dirty little secret material
Just some chick I met once material

Humans are meant to come in pairs
We're meant to couple up
But it never worked like that for me
I'm no-one's other half
I'm no-one's better half
I'm no-one's soulmate
And I'm not considered wife material

I'm considered too smart for you material
Intimidating, independent material
Feminist boner killer material
Maybe she's a lesbian material

And that's okay by me
I'm a lone vixen
And your opinion is immaterial

#14 Small World

We tell each other it's a small world, here
In our little town

I traded it in for the east coast once
My little town

I came back because I couldn't breathe
I need the Adelaide air

I need Rundle Street in April
When the tourists have deserted

I need the hidden coffee shops
The punk bands and the poets

I need my mates on every corner
The two degrees of separation

Freaks and suits share the sunlight, here
In our little town




 

#13 Fortune Cookies

Others see you as a wise person
Your efforts will be worthwhile

One look is worth ten thousand words
Every excess becomes a vice

You will soon be crossing the great waters
True love is only found in the heart

#12 Index

Felling(s), 2, 3, 13, 20, 82
conveyance of, 20, 55, 60, 63, 67, 85, 94
encouragement of, 92
fears in, 20
identification of, 5
sensitivity to, 64
unresolved, surfacing of, 95
see also Emotion

#11 Abstract Closing

Straight lines
Glossy white
Smooth to the eye

Centuries witnessed
Stoic arches
Measured ratios

Librarians are a rare breed

#10 Book Spines

Little birds
Delta of venus
Story of O
The little green grammar book
The little red writing book
Wyrd sisters
Truckers
Life's too f*#$ing short

#9 Bravery

Bravery isn't what we think it is
It's not jumping out of a plane
It's not diving with sharks

It's honesty
It's love
It's perseverance

It's fear in disguise

#8 Flowers

He brought me a supermarket bouquet
It was just as cheap as his apology
Shouted from the street below my window

I stayed above, smoking.

#7 Tritina

These scars are a private map
I navigate by instead of stars
My compass is a tempest

I find silence in the tempest
Chaos is my only map
It leads not to pain but to stars

Night after night I sing to the stars
Praying to be taken by the tempest
And reborn as an inked arrow on a map

Could you be my map to the stars beyond the tempest?
 

#6 Food

Hunger is a trap

Distracted by scents

Waylaying our plans

Nourishment is a tomato
Humiliated by pepper
Dissolving on the tongue
 

#5 Heirloom Varieties

We collect hunt russets for cider season
Footsteps crunching through the orchard
Patient dogs panting alonside
Later there'll be apple pie
Irish Breakfast tea
And stories before bedtime
 

#4 The Cruelest Month

December is the cruelest month
Absent others make it so
Always fewer places at the table
Fewer faces at the window
While we drink our guilt away
Fewer gifts exchanged
On each year's Christmas Day

#3 Fan Letter

Dear Carmen McRae

taken too soon from us
Goddess
talent and musicianship
Pioneer
uncompromising
Rebel

Dear Carmen McRae

taken too soon from us
Goddess
voice of liquid sapphire
Pioneer
stronger than we knew
Rebel

Dear Carmen McRae

#2 Family Portrait

Blue eyed or green
Silver haired or dark
There's a spark
That shows they're mine

They see me through the shadows
They're bold and they're funny
They hear me when I'm silent
They're the greatest gift

Blue eyed or green
Silver haired or dark
There's a spark
That sees me through

#1 Lune

When you went away
I faltered
Subsumed by heartache

Valentine Morning

Connection echoes
We walk in three four time
Alone together

Heavy summer night
Caught the last bus to real life
Your eyes welded to mine

Pondering your mouth
Ecstasy and agony
Pulling me both ways

Falling into hope
Fingers of kimono silk
Found my hidden heart

You taste like desire
Black coffee in the twilight
Quiet wonderings