January Haiku #20

The red moon returns
Carrying the deepest hurt
The tugging of it

Hollow

I want to be
Emptied
By each day's end
Hollowed open
And revived only
By dreams

January Haiku #19

Critters in the night
Tuneless whining after dark
The children singing

Faking It

Back to work
And they'll
Ask me how I am
And I'll lie
Because the truth
Would get me fired
And I need the bread
For the things
You're not supposed
To talk about
At work

Sawdust

Hoping to control
My desire
Is futility itself
I will forever
Be chasing
The silky sweep
Of sawdust
Beneath my heels
The slick of sweat
From the footlights 
I am nobody's
And nobody is mine

January Haiku #18

Fear will not stop me
I volunteer to be hurt
And send love right back 

Lover

And yet still I am a lover
Despite the betrayals
Because it hurts more 
Not to
It stings
A closed heart may be
Safe from harm
But it is closed to joy
To be vulnerable
Is a risk
Worth taking
So yes, still
I am a lover

Rains

Relief rains
Through the streets
Of the suburbs
But I'm still
Chewing the inside
Of my too fat
Cheeks
And waking late
To type another day

January Haiku #17

Do pay attention
Lock down a mainline feeling
Tie me down to now

Ms

Sweetness and light
Illuminates
All around her
Effervescent
Tantalising
A born provocatrix

Butter wouldn't melt
But steel would
Faced with her
Slow burning
Soul finding
Seeker of a heart

Success

When they ask me
To list my achievements
I bite back on my truth
I wish I could say
Not hurting myself
Anymore
Not folding for men
Anymore
Not giving up
But I can't
Because they want to see
KPIs and a painted face
When they ask me
To list my achievements

January Haiku #16

Salt licks for eyeballs
Insomniac tendencies
Heatwave misery

Petrichor

Fleeting ecstasy
Like petrichor
Sweet earthy reprieve
Hints at imagined
Future delectation

Other Half

Clutch your demons
Closer than a lover
Tuck them in
Every night beside you
But wake up
And witness the empty
Other half of the bed
Spread yourself to cover
It's all yours now

Leash

A veto on harm
Eke out the trust
Heart on a leash
This time

January Haiku #15

Contamination
Utter violation each time
Not simply unclean

January Haiku #14

Shy away from four

Cling to your fortunate cards

Wake me in April

34

My birthday
Approaches like an omen
One raven
Two ravens 
Three ravens
Death
Never forget
What could have been

I Don't

I don't want to talk
About what happened
Just for a little while
Because it's been seven years
Because I'm depleted
Because I spend
All of my money
Continually week by week
Repairing the damage 
Because the hurt is repeated
With every visit to the clinic
Every new pill
Every new diagnosis
Because if it weren't for them
I wouldn't be spending
My hard won time
My precious energy
Just holding on 
By my teeth
And sheer hope
Because I'm sick of crying
I don't want to talk

I Can Tell

It's in the frequency
Of his questions
The urgency
Of his politeness
The glimmer
Of his mouth
Upon mine
It's in his laugh

Speak

Keep speaking
Even if it's in 
Another language
Keep your eyes
Locked together
Even if they're wet
And begging
Keep speaking

January Haiku #13

He leaves me breathless
Speaking tongues and untidy
But not abandoned

Teardrop

After all these years
I still love the teardrop
Shaped dip in my shin
Where it meets ankle
And not much besides

After

Each fibre
Sings about you
Pulls my lips
Towards glee
Each breath
Whispers stories
Of your touch

Lonely Boys

Try talking to me
When you're not lonely
Just for a change
Of scene
You might like it
Try checking in
When you're happy
Just for the hell
Of it
You might get a laugh
Try getting to know me
Before you put me
In the crutch camp

January Haiku #12

Sketchy breezes cool
Softened and sore reminders
Tattooed calling cards 

Cramming

Take me back
To the industriously
Grey meeting tables
The steady navy 
Carpet tiles
The projections
The sting of debate

Evens

You can keep
Your kitchen arguments
Your lounge room flatulence
Your bashful bathroom
Masturbation
I'll be busy
Seeking flats full of words
Finding surgeon's hands
Giving rhapsodic solace
Exhilaration 
We'll call it even 

Bold

Bravery pays off
Queen's bounty
In contact
Weakened by nails
Fortified by laughter

January Haiku #11

Manners maketh man
Total control with a kiss
Chaos after lunch

Jackpot

Heatwave hits
And I taste of apples
Unlocked
Indulgence smiles
And I drip tinted
Skin dreams
Beneath 
His teeth

Keepsake

I am cloistered
By expectations
White picket fences
A good marriage
Maternal inclinations
I file them away
In the lost and found
They were never 
Mine to keep

Peaches

Nothing to do
Besides siphoning
White peaches
Cool segments
Disappearing 
Between restless
Canines and a 
Nimble tongue

Unruly

I am a roving dream
Worrying away the quicks
Of each fingertip
Unruly desires stretching
Into tomorrow

January Haiku #10

She begs for torture
She wallows in chains, patient
Writing it away

Dogs

Neighbourhood dogs
Chorus to herald the
Cool change
And the nightly
Firebug surveillance
Choppers blading
Triggers straight
To the gut
I expect the full body
Tension cramps now
The relentlessness
Of it all
The futility of telling
My filament thin
Self esteem to hang on
Just 
One
More
Night

Knack

This impulse
To have your fingernails
Slide along my cheekbones
To have your jawline
Rest against my temple
To have your forearm
Balanced upon my hip
This instinct
Steadies my pulse
Moors my spirit
To the hearthstone

January Haiku #9

Quadruple limbed elf
Giggling away the shackles
Bound to melody

Intercept

Done running
Intercepts
Done translating
Dividing signs
Done with toys
Playing dumb

Emotional Labour

Soothing your brow
Isn't on my agenda
So you'd best learn
How to approach
My friends
All by yourself
Asking their fat
Ugly, welcoming
Wingwoman
Is an outdated strategy
Get outta my yard

January Haiku #8

Just one more pathway
One more knot and I am spent
Iridescent joy

Show Me

Show don't tell
Me what you want
To explore
Show don't tell
Me how you want
To play
Show don't tell
Me when you want
To get
Undone and tangled

Voices

Some voices 
Are destined for to be heard
While others
Skip the eardrums
And dive deeper
All the way
To the motherboard
Electrifying
Circuits

Recycling

I leak gallons
Of blood 
To be rid of 
The ghosts of your
Pawing digits
I purge infinite
Snapshots
Of your words
Recycling promises
Into regrets
I scream bruises
Of recollections
Tokens of betrayal
Proudly shading
My unloved back
Lilac and turquoise

Unfettered

I never wanted to hold hands
I never wanted that ring
I never wanted another half
I am whole
I wanted conversation
I wanted flirtation
I never wanted to be coupled
I am uncoupling
I am not accepting
The worn out lies
Telling me I'm intimidating
Telling me I'm unfeminine
Telling me I'm unlovable 
I am not capable
Of anything other than pure
Passionate
Unfettered
All consuming
Unlimited
Love

Boys

They strum
Bar after bar
Make chords of me
They beat
Fulcrum points
To the next request
Make progressions
They sing
Arpeggios upon
The shape of me

Will you?

Will you bring me black tea
In the small hours?
Will you gaze at me
While I pace lists?
Will you fight me after dark
Between jazz scented sheets?
Will you be mine
But still be your own?
Will you?

Return

Shadow boxing with the doubt you left behind

Shedding hurt like so many wasted tears

You seek my likeness in her dimples

But tin is no substitute for platinum

And I love harder than diamonds

Deeper than indigo winter night skies

I return to solitude with patience

January Haiku #7

Thrill of the unknown
A strange mouth ripe for tasting
Blades beneath the tongue 

Temptations

Skin to skin
Breath to neck
Teeth to palm
Hand to throat
Voice to mind

Chatty

Each letter 
From his whorls
Sends spices 
Through my palette
Sings silk brocade
Patterns of desire

January Haiku #6

Nobody wants me
The just want a lousy wink
Kisses on the edge

Patience

It may take time
It may take the whole night
The whole story of sensation
Sensation complicit with pain
It may take pain
To get me out of my head
And back into my anatomy
My anatomy so generous
Generous and synaesthetic
Synaesthetic sensuality
It may take time
But it will be fruitful

Hands

Hands
Made for rhythm
Binding art
Upon my shapes
Hands
Imprinting warmth
Foiling my ice
Melting thresholds
Hands

Steel

Each quadrant of the meat sack
Howling for deliverance
Each breath defiant
The struggle forges steel
From a severed heart

Luxury

They spit at me
In the street, those ones
The ones who
Think respect is a luxury
Ugly girls can't afford

Thursday Blues

Migraine hangover
A sandy mouth
Eyes of olive not emerald
And a deathwish

Miss Fisher Erasure

These voices are not the spirits
I found a young man dying
I was shot at
Leave the girls unguarded
Beckoning from the bushes
She allowed herself a small giggle

January Haiku #5

Needles breach the line
Between surrender and hope
Following old tracks

Not This

Whittled down
To pulses of pain
I wait
Sleepless
Maybe if I were better
Maybe if I were fitter
Maybe if I were tender
Not this strong
Not this ugly
Not this 
Jigsaw of ink
And blood
Upon the taunting page
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe 
If I just wait
Sleepless

Wooed

I do not 
Want to be wooed
Swept up
Promised abstract concepts
I do not
Want to be adored
Raised up
Shackled to a pedestal
I just want
To be kissed

Unclean

Your unbrushed teeth
Once a craving
Now a revulsion

Your unwashed hair
Once a caress
Now a gagging 

Your unsolved mess
Once an understanding
Now a terror

Mondays

Dented shins

Scarred shoulder

Blades now shimmering

Hot underneath

Hands made for painting

A colour wheel

Upon my waiting

Willing paleness

Pauline Reage Erasure

Between the two

a freedom exists

Will you consent

a butterfly impaled

nailed her naked

the wood fire

the cool smell

Will you answer

threads of black

her grey hair

the dauntless libertine

the mere instrument

kissed the tips

she had opened

Are you dressed

January Haiku #4

Mining a new path
Through this ancient misery
Gems in untapped seams

Different

It's grey
Lumpy
Like phlegm
Not like
The familiar
Smooth
Glistening
Proud scarlet
It's different
But you flush
And look back up

Over

I'm tasting the hurt
Compulsively
Like a broken tooth
Running my tongue
Over and over and over and
Over the cracks
The edges
The angles
Until they are smoothed
And my mouth is full
Blood tastes of salt
You did too

Old Friends

It's not the time apart

It's the years that we have spent

Gathering memories

Like gold dust to ward away

Loneliness

It's not the broken hearts

It's the ice cream and philosophy

At 3 a.m.

Waiting for a taxi to 

Shared bedtime stories

It's not the tears shed

It's the honey we have hand fed

One another's souls

To drown our bitterness

January Haiku #3

Fielding advances
On behalf of another
Drinking fresh venom

Charade

Your blinkers will kill you
When you're not looking
I count my blessings
And your absence is among them
Your charades couldn't deplete me
But they will decimate you
And your dreams will be empty
Forever unfulfilled
Just like your heart

January Haiku #2

To be bound to me
Spark a story in my gut
Wasabi flavoured

Don't

You don't get a medal

For giving me attention

You don't get a cookie

For fucking the fat girl

You don't get a title

For pretending to care

You don't get a say

Anymore 

January Haiku

I am a blank page

Shot through with espionage

A riddle to burn

Doomed

A coward
Lies beneath the many masks
Doomed to seek power
Forever running
Harming
Bluffing
Impossible to love
Left me acrid
And clinging to breath

Cast Off

All at sea
Inside you
I lost my bearing
And when you grew restless
You cast me overboard
To seek treasure
Beyond my honesty
I cut my hair
And found my compass
You broke my heart
But not my stride