wednesday full of woe

how am i supposed to shout my abortion like some feminist icon when it takes me through that pinprick of courage into the expansive endless unpredictable greyness of grief sucks me under even as i resist until i'm submerged and i am the motions of the whole damned broken world and i am every lost child and every tortured heart and i am equal to the task but puzzled pandora cassandra persephone all woman all the love work all the tears all the pain and i want to come up for air gasping sea siren made beautiful by blood loss and the cold in my bones and the demons held closer than the dear ones and time escapes me squirreling kernels of joy hoarding memories of almost happiness amongst the ruins of this body so reviled how